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【我是雅思考生,写作不强,能不能帮忙批改这篇作文,这作文能不能5或5.13.Foodcanbeproducedcheaperifweuseimprovedfertilizersandbettermachinery.Question:modernmachineryandadvancedfarmingtechniques,Howeversomeofme】
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更新时间:2024-03-29 08:11:17
问题描述:

我是雅思考生,写作不强,能不能帮忙批改这篇作文,这作文能不能5或5.

13.Foodcanbeproducedcheaperifweuseimprovedfertilizersandbettermachinery.

Question:modernmachineryandadvancedfarmingtechniques,

Howeversomeofmethodsmaybedangerousforhumanhealth.,andhavenegativeeffectsforlocalcommunities.

Whatisyouropinion?

Answer:

ThetechniqueofagriculturalisdevelopingatasurprisingspeedandissolvingtheproblemthatthesituationofLackingoffood.Thedestitutepeoplewillalsohavemorefoodtoeatandmorechoicesoffoodcanreachamostcommonhousehold.Butmeanwhile,manydisadvantagesareappearedtoshowthatmethodsaredangerousforhumanhealth.

Forinstance,foodpoisoningarehappeningeverytimeineachcountry.Clearly,itisaseriousproblemthatweshouldpaycloseattentionwhenwehavethefood(withtheremnantsofchemicalcomposition).especiallysomeoftheContaminatedfoodwilldodeeplyharmfultoyourhealth.

Anotherdisadvantageisalsohappeninginourregion.Thewideuseofmodernmachineryandadvancedfarmingtechniqueswillmakethelaborbetoomuch.Afterwards,theywillcrowdintothetownandbecomingabuildingworker,ababybabysittersandsoforth.Sotheproblemcomes.firstly,thelocalcustomercustomintherehometownwillbelost.Secondly,theyoungchildrenandtheelderlywillbetheFamilyLeftBehind.Mostly,itwillbeagreatmisfortunetothechildwhowillnotgetanytreasurefromthereparents.

Overalls,thereisaconclusionthatsomeofthemethodnotonlybingmuchharmfultoourhealth,butalsogetunwellaffectiontoourlocalcommunitiesandrelatives.butthatisnottosayweshouldreturntothefirsthand.Ontheotherhand,somelawsandregulationsshouldlimittoproblem.thelocalgovernmentmustshoulderthisresponsibility.

何志明回答:
  你写一边倒,写点利再写弊,整个逻辑更完整.题目是食品生产机械化,添加剂什么的虽然给生产效率产量什么带来明显增长,但是过度使用会危害人身体健康,也有可能导致劳动力过剩.感觉你写劳动力过剩的比重有点大,所以你前面可以先写点这个带来的好处.5.5可以.
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